Happy freaking Halloween, spooks and spookettes! We are finally here! The best day of the year! What better way to celebrate Halloween than to watch Halloween? Let’s be real, this was always going to be the final review. It just so happened to come out at the same time I decided on whim to do this blog. How can I possibly ignore some serendipitous shit like that?

Trick Question. I can’t!
Halloween (2018) is a direct sequel to the original Halloween, ignoring the other 7 sequels and the roaring garbage can fires that were the Rob Zombie remakes. Seriously, who the Hell actually thought it was a good idea to give him the reigns to Halloween? When I first heard this was getting made, I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t care about it. At all. I know! It’s a new Halloween movie that’s a part of actual canon. I couldn’t help it. I just felt so meh about it. I’ve had slasher fatigue for a while and I just didn’t have any faith in the genre anymore.

The original sequels ranged anywhere from Meh to Dear God, Jesus, why? Then Rob Zombie tied Michael Meyers to the back of his Dragula and drove until there was nothing left, but a stain in the road. I understand that Michael Meyers is more than just a character in a bunch of horror movies, he’s an icon of the highest regard. There’s money to be made off of him still. But have we forgotten about the Platinum Dunes Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm St remakes already? They’re just not the same anymore. Maybe it’s time to let these guys rest finally. We all know that’s not how Hollywood works though, so I’ll stop wasting my breath and keystrokes. Bring it on, I guess.

All that being said Halloween H40 did have a bunch going for it. As much as I just wanted to ignore it, it kept nagging at me. It was like John Carpenter himself was holding his finger right next to my face and saying “I’m not touching youuuuu!” over and over again. The biggest selling point was the fact that they were in fact ignoring everything after the first film. That meant a few things. First, it means that Laurie and Michael are no longer related. Sorry, I always thought that was stupid. It also means that Laurie Strode is back. Thank God for that. Halloween Resurrection was a God damn tragedy. How are you gonna kill THE final girl like that? In the first 5 minutes of the damn film. That was the worst ending to a character arc I have ever witnessed. On the flip side, it does undo Busta Rhymes and LL Cool J from canon, but I’m willing to take that hit if it means we undo them doing Laurie Strode dirty like that.

So, yeah. Jamie Lee Curtis is back as Laurie Strode. Nick Castle also reprises his role as The Shape for the first time since the original in 1978. And while good ol’ Poppa John Carpenter isn’t writing or directing he has given his endorsement and he’s still scoring the movie. Just that in and of itself makes this worth a watch. And yes, his score is an updated version of the original score and it’s wonderful.

As much as there were all these things that made me start to get excited there was one thing that made me just as hesitant. The writing and directing team. It’s directed and co written by David Gordon Green with Danny McBride as co writer. Yeah… The dudes from Pineapple Express. Then again, I didn’t expect Jordan Peele to not only make a horror movie, but a horror movie that’s Oscar worthy, so who knows? So I spent the money, gorged myself on popcorn, and even told a group of teenagers to shut the hell up because they wouldn’t stop talking through the damn movie. The verdict:

It’s aright, I guess. It’s certainly not the worst installment, but it is most definitely wasn’t one of the best. It’s nowhere as near and true to the original as it boasts to be. In fact, I don’t understand why the even ignored all the other sequels when they flat out copied multiple scenes from the ignored sequels as well as the reboots. They said they wanted to be a genuine continuation of the first film, but really I’m pretty sure they just wanted to put Jamie Lee Curtis in the film to make sure it sold. They may as well have just ignored H20 and Resurrection. The whole thing felt like The Force Awakens. It was just chalked full of nostalgia candy instead of actual original scenes. People loved this, so lets include almost the same thing, so people love it! Do you ‘member?

There’s also way too much going on. There’s so many subplots it’s hard to keep track. Of course we have Laurie Strode who’s still dealing with the trauma of the Babysitter Murders from 40 years ago. She deals with it by being all crazy survivalist and agoraphobic. She’s convinced the world is an awful place and she needs to be prepared for the worst with an arsenal of guns that would make John Rambo proud and booby traps and junk. We’ve also got Laurie’s daughter, Karen, played by Judy Greer (who I love) who’s trying to live a normal life after being taken away from her mother at 12 years. She’s estranged from her mother and avoids her at all costs because she’s a freakin’ wackadoo. THEN, we have Allyson (Andi Matichak) Karen’s teenage daughter and Laurie’s grand daughter. She feels a strong connection for her grandmother and the things she went through and is doing her best to reach out and repair the broken family relationship. Then, we have Michael escaping, the replacement Father Loomis character working with the police to bring Michael in, the other minor subplots with Allyson and her boyfriend and Allyson and her friends, along with some douchey podcasters doing douchey podcaster things… It’s just TOO much.

By the time Michael dons his Captain Kirk mask I was just bored. And even though we have Nick Castle as Michael again it still didn’t feel like the original Michael Meyers. It felt more like the Zombie reboot Michael Meyers. He’s not eerie and methodical, he’s just lumbering and brutal. I lost count of how many times he just bashed people’s skulls off of things over and over again. Not to mention pulling people’s teeth out. Why? Michael Meyers/The Shape is not a masochist. He’s not driven by the need to inflict pain, he’s driven by the need to kill. That’s it.

There’s also just no suspense or tension. The wonderful musical score from Carpenter tried, but it didn’t work. There was o al suspense or terror. With the uncharacteristic Michael and directionless plot on top of the tonally misplaced humor it was pretty bad. At one point I wondered if Disney bought the rights to Halloween with the amount of forced humorous moments. I heard more people laughing than screaming in terror AT A HALLOWEEN MOVIE. That aint right.

I really felt like the creators appreciated the source material they were working with, but they didn’t necessarily understand it. The one saving grace of this film is the final act. It seemed like Allyson was being set up as the new Laurie Strode for a bit, but then that subplot was abandoned (go figure) and we finally got the showdown we waited to see. Yes, Laurie makes some rookie mistakes for someone who’s been preparing for this for 40 years, but it’s to be expected. It wasn’t scary at all, but it was definitely satisfying. There were a few fuck yeah! moments. Then once we get a good amount of Laurie vs. The Shape we get to see all three generations of Strode ladies facing off together in the face of evil. It had this really great feeling of female empowerment to it that got me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. The rest of the movie was meh, but the final act was the movie I came to see.

If nothing else I am satisfied with H40 because this is probably JLC’s last Halloween role and it’s a much better send off than Resurrection. All in all I give it a generous 6 out of 10. It wasn’t Rob Zombie, but it certainly wasn’t John Carpenter.

There it is. 31 Days. Thank you so much to everyone for reading, commenting, sharing, and following. And thank you to all my family and friends for doing the same and also letting me borrow movies and checking in on me periodically while I hermitted myself away for a month. As someone who has a tendency to get distracted and give up on my personal projects I am proud and humbled that I was able to see this through to the end. It was not easy as a single parent and working full time. Even when faced with connection issues (fuck you, Spectrum) and what felt like terminal Bronchitis (fuck you, immune system) I still managed it. It was a lot of fun. Thanks for sharing it with me. Now, it’s back to real life. *Opens the sealed shelter door and shields eyes against the light of the outside world*

Happy Halloween! And for all things unholy…

I really slept on this movie. I’m pretty sad now that I did because I really enjoyed it. In my defense it was only because Michael Dougherty wrote and directed it and I just didn’t trust him to actually make a good movie. X-Men 2 was just okay, Urban Legends: Bloody Mary was lame, and watching Superman Returns was like eating a sandwich with just mayonnaise on it. Also, Bryan Singer was attached to this and fuck that guy. But I saw Krampus not knowing it was made by Dougherty and surprisingly I liked it. So I decided to stop being an assumptive jerk and give this a chance. I’m glad I did because this is a great little film.
Bryan Singer is still trash though.

Trick ‘r’ Treat isn’t really anything new or innovative to the horror genre and it’s really not scary at all. It’s just fun. It’s not so much a horror movie as it is a Halloween movie. It really captures the feeling of the season. It’s like a Christmas movie, but for Halloween. Instead of feeling all jolly it got me feeling all kindsa spooky. I loved it.  It’s an anthology film too, which I love. Well, I love most anthology movies. I’m looking at you V/H/S. *Squints* It’s five separate stories that take place in the same town on Halloween night. Each of the stories are interwoven and sometimes overlap each other. They’re also not told in chronological order, but it doesn’t suffer for it. In fact it really works in the film’s favor. It’s really well done. Each story is it’s own take on scary story cliches and each story has it’s own twist to it. It felt like Twilight Zone meets Creepshow. Throughout the whole movie we see little Sam. The weird headed mascot of the film. He’s some sort of Samhain deity thing. Wait, his name is Sam. Samhain – Sam. I get it. I love this little dude. I really wish we could see more of him on things. I feel like he’s a great Halloween icon and is totally underutilized.

Just look at that adorable spooky little bastard

I also liked that the stories were all extremely different and didn’t outshine each other. They all had completely different themes and the direction played to each of their strengths. It showed a decent amount of versatility for Dougherty as a writer and director. The acting isn’t Oscar worthy by any means, but it isn’t over the top. It’s just right. I personally loved the final story the most though because a) it had more Sam in it, b) it didn’t end like one would have expected and taught a lesson, and c) it had a lot of John Carpenter influences and references to it. Plus, Brian Cox is a delight. I never don’t want him to be in things.

As much as Elf has become a staple for us to watch in December, Trick ‘r’ Treat will definitely be a movie that’s in my normal circulation for October. I don’t understand why it got pulled from theaters and then sent straight to DVD two years later. I also don’t understand why there haven’t been sequels to this. I normally hate sequels, but I’d definitely be down for more anthology movies set in this universe. It felt like Goosebumps for grown-ups. Unlike Dead Silence, which was like a grown-up trying to do a gritty reboot of Goosebumps. I will never stop making fun of that movie.

We made it 30 freaking days. I actually did it. I committed to one single thing and didn’t get distracted and quit. I alienated all my friends and family for a whole month and consumed an unreasonable amount of wine, but I did it. How pissed would you guys be if I just stopped now? JUST KIDDING! I have the big review coming up tomorrow. The perfect finish to this whole ordeal. So tune in for the final post from Gotham’s 31 Days of Horror!

And as always… STAY SPOOKY!

Can someone please tell me what the point of that was? I’ve got nothing for this review. Did the people who made this movie even know what it was supposed to be? Because I sure as Hell didn’t.

Some dudes and a dudette are on a road trip trying to find the ultimate haunted attraction. They get bored with the same ol’ run of the mill haunts and try finding some underground ULTIMATE haunt. They’re also making a documentary about it… Sort of. That’s what got me. It has documentary footage sprinkled in between them just filming themselves in what seems like your standard, but extremely poorly done found footage film where they’re filming just to be filming. I think the main theme is supposed to be “How far is too far?” or something of that nature, but it doesn’t really commit to that. Then there’s also the undertones of “The people who work in these things are really fucked up and maybe we should examine that”, but nothing really comes of that either.

The group of friends/haunt junkies piss off a bunch of backwoods haunted house carnies then start looking for that underground haunt thing. Surprise! It finds them instead! But then all that happens is previous carnies they pissed off show up and stare at them and throw pumpkins at their RV. When something finally does happen it’s like 15 minutes till the end and it’s the most unsatisfying climax since I lost my virginity. Nothing really happens. And how do you end it like that? It seriously felt like they ended the movie before it was done. What was that?

At least with some of the other movies it didn’t feel like a complete waste of time because I enjoyed making fun of them. I can’t even make fun of this. The whole thing was just pointless. With all the controversy surrounding places like Mckamey Manor and the ethical ambiguities associated with them could have been an insightful and genuinely frightening look at what goes into this kind of stuff. Both on the side of the thrill seeking haunt goers and the psyche of the kinds of people who work for or run this kind of thing. If you’re not familiar with Mckamey Manor then definitely check it out. It’s totally screwed up and worthy of exploring.

Instead we got The Houses October Built. A jumbled mess that seems like it was made by a bunch of people who wanted to make a scary movie, but had no idea how to make a scary movie. I would normally NEVER be that guy who says this, but I could have made a better movie than this. I have no doubt in my mind. This could have been decent or at least passable. Maybe if it picked a narrative and committed to it. Maybe if it delivered any of what it set itself up for. Maybe if it didn’t have the worst handheld camera work I’ve ever seen in any found footage film ever. Who knows? Certainly not anyone involved in the making of this stale fart of a movie. I’m ashamed that I watched this instead of something else and now I don’t have time to watch and review another movie. I feel like I’ve let myself and the other 4 people that read this down. I give it a 1 out of 10 and that’s being generous.

Stay spooky. More specifically, stay spookier than this at all times.

I know. That name sounds silly as Hell. And just to clarify again, it’s totally not a porn. I was really excited about this one. I couldn’t believe that this got made and I didn’t hear a thing about it. This is right up my alley in so many ways. It’s an adaptation of my favorite short story by Horror legend Clive Barker. If I could go on a tangent real quick, I freaking love Clive Barker. I fell in love with him at a very early age. Like I’ve said a million times, I grew up watching horror movies at an early age and was pretty desensitized to them. There wasn’t much that actually scared me. Then I found Hellraiser. It was different and visceral and genuinely frightened me. After that I devoured any of Barker’s novels I could get my hands on. I started with Damnation Game and The Hellbound Heart and soaked up all the masterfully macabre imagery that only Barker’s twisted ass could imagine. Then I found The Books of Blood. His short story collections. If you haven’t read them then go and buy them now. You can borrow my copy. I’ve never found anything quite like Barker’s work.

Now that I’m done fan-girling back to the review…

To say that I was just excited for this movie is such an understatement it’s basically a lie. Not to mention Vinnie Jones as the serial killer, Mahogany. Bradley Cooper as the lead, Leon. Don’t judge me, I really enjoy him. Clive Barker was attached as a Producer as well as Anthony DiBlasi of Last Shift. Now, I hated the ending of Last Shift, but I was more than willing to give DiBlasi another chance because of how much I liked the rest of the movie and well, he’s been called Clive Barker’s protege. This movie just felt like it was made specifically for me.

So imagine my surprise when it sucked.

My friend Jeff has been nagging me all month long to watch this movie. He raved for weeks. He so desperately wanted me to watch and review this movie in all it’s glory that he actually went and bought it specifically so that we could watch it. Let me just say that I genuinely appreciated the hospitality, Jeff. Truly. But this movie was bad and you should feel bad.

Sorry, Jeff.

I should have loved this movie. It had the potential to be everything I hoped it would be, but instead it opted for lackluster performances and shit swallowingly bad effects. Vinnie Jones was awesome. Don’t get me wrong. But there was just some really stupid scenes that felt comical even though that’s not at all what the movie was going for. This, for example.

Yep. That is Ted Raimi getting his eyeballs smacked out of his head. I’m not kidding. Vinnie Jones hit him in the back of the head with a meat tenderizer and his eyeballs flew out. It’s a meat tenderizer not fucking Mjolnir. It looked like it was supposed to be a cheesy 3D scene because they launched toward the screen a la My Bloody Valentine style. Only, Midnight Meat Train wasn’t being advertised for 3D! And that’s not the only scene that feels that way. There are some scenes that are awesome and dark, but then there are others that don’t fit at all and ruin the pacing of the movie because they’re just laughably bad. Laughing might not be the right word. That implies you’re having fun. Scoff seems more appropriate. It was scoffably bad.

As I said earlier Vinnie Jones is great as Mahogany. He’s silent and intimidating as humanly possible. Perfect casting in my opinion. That being said, I don’t love Vinnie Jones because he’s an Oscar worthy actor. I love him because he’s fucking Vinnie Jones. So when Vinnie Jones is the best actor in the entire movie then there’s a problem. Bradley Cooper was bland as Leon. Which sucks because I personally feel like Bradley Cooper has a lot of talent as an actor. This just wasn’t the role for him. This was a character with a lot of layers and what could have been very interesting character development. With a solid performance this could have been really fun to watch and led to a really bad ass ending because of it. Instead Bradley Cooper just bumbled around looking like he was hungover the whole time. That was an accidental Hangover pun, but I’m not any less proud of it. Leslie Bibb did her best with what she had, but she was a victim of extremely poor writing. Her character was only there to be the main character’s girlfriend. That’s it. She could have been completely written out or replaced by a lamp and the movie wouldn’t have suffered. Brooke Shields as Susan Hoff was also shamefully underutilized. She could have played a much larger role in Leon’s descent into madness. Encouraging him all the way.

I dunno, man. It wasn’t completely unwatchable. It did have it’s moments. It was one of the more faithful adaptations of Barker’s work, but that’s like saying that it’s one of the least smelliest shits someone has taken. I just wanted to feel the same way I felt the first time I watched Hellraiser. Verdict: 6 out of 10. I didn’t regret watching it. I might even buy my own copy. It’s not one of my favorites though.

Since I wasn’t able to post this yesterday because of connection issues with my interwebs, stay tuned for my post on The Houses October Built. Two for one tonight, y’all!

I think this might be the only flick on my entire list that’s not rated R. Maybe I’m a snob, but seeing that PG-13 stamp on a horror flick just immediately lowers all my expectations of it. I’ve just grown accustomed to my horror movies having copious amounts of gore, a boob or two, and plentiful use of the word fuck. Or at least two out of the three. What can I say? I’m spoiled.

But here we are. I’m giving it a shot. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and it’s for two reasons and two reasons only. John Krasinski and Emily Blunt are in it. I love these two so much. Like, it’s unhealthy. I know I’m pushing thirty, but I’m still holding out hope that maybe one day they’ll adopt me. Who doesn’t want Mary Poppins as their mom and Jim Halpert as their dad?

The premise grabbed me right away. It’s a family trying to live and survive in a post apocalyptic world. Kinda like Full House meets I Am Legend. This is definitely a creature film and they’re not afraid to show you this pretty early on. Damn, did that get me. These creatures have made pretty short work of humans because they are extremely sensitive to sound. That’s really what intrigued me about this. Everything is done as quietly as possible. It adds a really cool element. Krasinski actually directed this and he did an amazing job. All of the family members communicate solely through sign language and have learned to exist as silently as humanly possible. It’s almost as if the sound in this movie is a character in and of itself. The whole thing is very nerve racking. The musical score was also very well done. It captured the sentimental moments and the tense moments perfectly without being too overbearing. It left room for the actors to do most of the work. And damn do they work.

Emily Blunt was no surprise. With a premise like this you definitely need someone of Emily’s caliber to sell this. I was not expecting the performance from Krasinkski. Don’t get me wrong I have wanted him to be in more things for a long time. I didn’t doubt he could do more than just Jim Halpert, I just wasn’t expecting such a powerful performance. As a director and an actor. He acted the shit out of every scene he was in. Millicent Simmonds as the daughter, Regan was no slouch either. I’m glad they got an actual deaf actress to play her as well. She brought an authenticity to the role that was very much appreciated. And lastly is Noah Jupe who plays the younger brother, Marcus. This kid slayed. For real. The camera loved this kid. He did phenomenal.

I’m normally all about keeping your big bad in the shadows until the time is right to strike. Whether it’s a slasher, or creature feature, or ghost story, or whatever. Less is more in my opinion. I expected A Quiet Place to do this, but like I said, they showed you what the Hell they were up against real early on. I thought that would hurt them, but it didn’t because of how they executed it. I’m also not big on CGI, but the monsters were pretty cool. It was like Venom if he was designed by Georgia O’Keefe.

Played by Tom Hardy (Uncredited)

It was a cool story. I liked it a bunch. I really wouldn’t consider this a horror movie though. It had a few elements that made it almost a horror movie, but it really is more of a thriller or even a drama with some horror movie sprinkles on top. Definitely worth checking out though. 7 out of 10.

Tomorrow night is Midnight Meat Train and no that’s not a porn. Come one come all. Stay spooky, peeps.

The Ritual was a very nice change of pace. It was much different than any of the films I’ve watched so far. Now I just need to figure out how to write a decent review without giving away any spoilers. That’s how I watched it and I feel like my experience was all the better for it. All I knew about it was that there was a buncha dudes hiking through some woods in Sweden. I bet they get lost. I bet some spooky shit happens. It is called The Ritual, so I bet there’s some weird Scandinavian Hoodoo or whatever. I didn’t even know this was based on a book by the same name until I saw the opening credits. And there I was cringing and gritting my teeth because now I’m committing the cardinal sin of watching a movie before the book TWICE.

But by the time I saw it, it was too late. The movie had already started therefor I was condemned to wallow in my shame.

Anyway, it’s about four friends, Hutch, Phil, Dom, and Luke, who decide to go hiking out in Sweden to honor their deceased friend’s last wishes. Dom (played by Sam Troughton) injures his leg along the way, so Hutch (played by Robert James-Collier) suggests they take a short cut through a chunk of forest to get them there faster. Rookie move, Hutch. Shortcuts through the woods are always a bad plan. Again, this is why white people die.

I have so much I want to say about this movie, but I really do not want to give anything away. I want y’all wondering the whole time just like I was. Is it a monster? Is it some crazy cultists? Is it gonna be some weird Swedish Hills Have Eyes kinda deal? Is it trolls? I bet it’s trolls. We are in Sweden after all.

The directing is wonderful and the cinematography is top notch. There are so many well done angle shots that really hammer home how deep these woods are and just how screwed these dudes are. There is just so much forest. I dunno about you guys, but I live in Maine. There is a metric shit ton of forest and it’s mother effing terrifying, especially at night. It’s one of the few things that scares the absolute crap out of me. And that’s in Maine where the scariest myth we have is about a giant jolly ass lumberjack who wears L.L. Bean boots and has a giant pet blue cow. To Hell with dealing with the woods where there’s possible trolls and guys who look like the dude from Hellboy 2.

The acting is great all around I thought. All four of the characters were well rounded. I’m genuinely surprised at that actually. I’m not usually big on all male ensembles. It more often than not leads to annoying misogynistic dude bro territory and if there are women they’re only there as shrews or sex objects. These are four old college buddies, so you expect plenty of that, but there wasn’t really. There are some good moments from all of them. Much like The Descent, these guys actually seem like old friends.  Also, much like The Descent there was some tension between two of the characters, Dom and Luke, but it was understandable. Asher Ali as Phil and James Collier as Hutch are both great characters in their own right, but Luke (played by Rafe Spall) and Dom (Troughton) really steal the show in the scenes they’re in. It’s also a very well paced film. The group in trouble panic mixed with the growing tensions between characters makes for a great redirect while you’re still guessing and trying to figure out what’s going on. Is it ANOTHER movie where one of them is just crazy? Is it witches? Sweden has witches, right? I’m still betting on trolls.
Bet.

So, yeah. Super creepy flick. Great setting and wonderful musical score and sound effects. Fantastic atmosphere all around. WAY more than I expected from a Netflix original. We all know they’ll green light anything. I can’t even make a funny joke about it because it’s already been done. I think I might go check out the book by Adam Nevill. I will admit the ending was a bit meh, but not so much that it ruined how good the rest of the movie was. *Squints at Last Shift* I give it a well earned 8.5 out of 10. Totally worth a watch.

Join me tomorrow for A Quiet Place. I’m super excited for it for so many reasons. Which means my review will probably suck because I’m much better at making fun of things than I am at praising them. Wow, now that I think about it, that seems like a serious character flaw… Eh. Whatever.

Stay spooky, mina vänner.

The only thing I really knew about [REC] was that I didn’t know whether to pronounce it like RECK or Record and that it was “The movie that inspired Quarantine”. I didn’t realize that Quarantine was a straight up remake though. Ivaguely remember watching Quarantine when it came out and not being all that impressed. It seemed like it could be good though, so I was down to give the original a spin.

[REC] was pretty damn cool. It follows a local reporter, Angela (played by Manuela Velasco) and her cameraman Pablo (Pablo Rosso) while they spend the night following some fire fighters and document it. They accompany them on a call to an apartment building where an elderly woman is trapped in her home. They end up finding WAY more than they bargained for. Spoiler: She’s all infected and zombied out.

It’s your standard zombie/virus story, but damn does [REC] have some bite to it. Hehe. Like I said, the story is pretty overdone, but what they did with it was where this stands out among it’s peers. The camera work is decent and the acting is relatively decent. I guess none of the actors knew when, how, or if they were going to die, so this helped with the legitimate reactions to the deaths and jump scares. When in doubt of your character’s actual talent just Stanley Kubrick it. The whole thing is extremely tense and claustrophobic after the Madrid equivalent of the CDC show up and quarantine the building. They send in a health inspector who’s all Hazmatted out shortly after shit goes crazy and we get some actual exposition.

[REC] is probably the best use of found footage I’ve ever seen. It’s just extremely well done. I will admit that not being fluent in Spanish and having to read the subtitles did cause a bit of a disconnect at certain spots, but not enough to make it any less enjoyable. So yea, if you have problems with found footage films or having to read subtitles then this probably isn’t the movie for you, but personally I have no complaints. None. Whatsoever. I was truly surprised. I didn’t really expect to like it just based on how mediocre The Exorcism of Debra Morgan was, but this was so much better than Quarantine. In fact it was so enjoyable I fully intend on checking out all 3 of the sequels and I hate sequels.

Just the ending alone deserves a freaking award. That was definitely NOT where I was expecting them to go with this. It was not actually just your standard zombie movie after all. I gladly give this a strong 9 out of 10. Definitely recommend the hell out of this. Go watch it.

See y’all tomorrow and stay spooky.

I don’t know how to feel about this one, dude. I really REALLY don’t know how to feel about this one. I guess let’s start with the summary and work our way through all the feelings from there. Officer Jessica Loren (played by Juliana Harkavy) is a rookie cop assigned to a run down station for it’s last shift (Get it?) before it’s closed. Pretty quickly we start to see that this old precinct has some dark secrets and it has no intention of going quietly into the night.

Pretty simple concept. There were a few things that really sold it for me though. Juliana Harkavy’s performance was extremely solid. She’s very much the nervous, but determined rookie. I felt like this added a nice element to things. There’s always the “why don’t you just leave?” question when watching these movies, but this made that question answerable. That didn’t stop me from screaming it at the screen, but it did a good job at answering it. When the spooky shit hits the proverbial fan there’s way less suspension of disbelief because Officer Loren HAS to do this. She almost leaves a few times, but then composes herself at the last second because she knows this is her one shot and she wants to live up to her father’s (who died in the line of duty) legacy while also proving to herself and everyone else she can do it. And again, I think Harkavy’s performance really conveys this well.

As I’ve said before I truly appreciate horror films with one main character. It’s a very difficult thing to do when you don’t have disposable characters to offer up as sacrifice to the Slasher Gods.

You have to really work for it. You have to build the tension by forcing us to see through this one character’s eyes and you have to keep the scares coming at a decent pace, so that we don’t get bored. It’s not an easy thing to do and Last Shift does it almost effortlessly. The pacing is perfect and the scares are some of the best I’ve seen in a long time and they don’t let up. Seriously, it starts and doesn’t stop. It comes at you from so many angles. It’s like a damn Spookake. Yes, I’m aware of how bad that joke was and no, I do not plan on editing it out. Anthony DiBlasi does a damn good job at directing. The cinematography is great for such a low budget film and the make up effects were fantastic. Well, except for that one scene. It was REHEHEALLY bad. I don’t want to spoil anything, but… Do I want to spoil this? Eh, screw it. This. This is what I’m referencing.

Yeah. Take that all in. It’s even worse when you watch the actual scene. But truly, the rest of the effects are great. Aiside from that little eye sore (hehe) this was genuinely one of the best horror films I’ve seen in years. I would have given it a solid 9 out of 10 despite how laughably bad that scene was. It was damn near perfect for me… That is until it came time to wrap things up. That ending was pants shittingly bad. It was the biggest cop out (hehe) I’ve ever seen. I feel like I should ask for a manager or write a strongly worded letter, but I wouldn’t know where to mail it to. The ending could have been LITERALLY anything else and I would have liked it better. It set itself up so well and then just ruined it. It was so disappointing and stupid that it was just insulting.

So I guess I’ll leave this with a 5 out of 10. That’s FOUR freaking points it lost just for having such a stupid ending. It doesn’t even make sense for frick’s sake! If I could just ignore the last couple minutes this would be great, but alas I can not. Tis my curse and my burden. But we never know what tomorrow night may bring. Hopefully it’s something way less disappointing. See you then.

And uh… Stay spooky or whatever.

I know, okay? I know. How have I not seen this yet? They’re on like Paranormal 12 at this point aren’t they? To be honest I never really had any interest in these movies. I think a lot of it had to do with the marketing campaign. The whole THIS IS THE SCARIEST MOVIE YOU’LL EVER WATCH, JUST LOOK AT THIS ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF PEOPLE WATCHING IT AND BEING SUPER SCARED bullshit just didn’t do it for me. Meh, I said. Then it became like this huge phenomenon, but I was already committed to dismissing it because I’m stubborn like that. Meh, I said again, but louder. But I think it’s about time I watched it. Honestly if I’m willing to give Dead Silence a chance then this deserves a shot, right? It can’t be worse than that.

VERDICT: It’s not as bad as Dead Silence. It wasn’t great either. It was pretty much what I expected. I really don’t have much to say about it to be frank. It was just meh.

I appreciate what it was trying to do. It did have some decent qualities, but it was just bland. I liked that they tried to do more than just Haunted house is haunted. I appreciated the simplicity of it. Also, the acting was okay. I mean, at certain points it was B movie bad, but then at other points the acting was great. *Shrug* I will say my absolute favorite part was with Dr. Fredrichs, the psychic when Katie and Micah ask him to come over for help. As soon as he walks in the door he just tells them they’re fucked and he wants no part of it and leaves. He straight up Bye, Felicia’s them and dips out.

#sorrynotsorry

I think I would probably give this movie a better review if it weren’t for the horribly disappointing ending. It was so cliche and dumb. It really ruined any of the bright spots this film had for me. I guess, there were multiple endings that were proposed, but then Steven Spielberg suggested they end it THIS way, so they went with it. Steven Spielberg’s last good horror flick was Poltergeist and that was in 1982. Maybe let’s not listen to him anymore.

It wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever watched, but I doubt I’m ever gonna pick it up again. Looking at it objectively I really do have to give it some credit though. Let’s look at some of the other horror flicks that came out that year: Hostel 2, The Hills Have Eyes 2, Wrong Turn 2, DEAD SILENCE. At least it was trying to do something different. 5 out of 10 for you, Paranormal Activity. Ya’ did yer best, kid.

Join me tomorrow for Last Shift. I know precisely dick about it, but that pentagram face looks freakin’ metal and I would like to know more.

Adios, mi amigos.
And stay spooooooooky.

I’ve been waiting a while to watch this one, but honestly it was one of the first ones I planned on watching when I started my list. Back when I tried this challenge a few years ago I watched The House of the Devil and it was love at first fright. Puns! Ti West is an amazing director and I wanted to see more. So for this time around I settled on The Innkeepers. I enjoyed his girl in peril flick, so why not see what he can do with a ghost story. I’ve heard a lot of negative reviews both from my friends/family and from randos on the internet, but I didn’t pay it any mind. I like and dislike (looking at you Dead Silence) a lot of stuff that others disagree with. Not that I don’t trust certain people’s opinions on these things, but I gotsta experience it myself.

And my opinion was that it was decent. The directing, of course, was impeccable and the performances were pretty good. I really enjoyed the musical score. It was creepy and atmospheric, but sometimes playful. Sara Paxton as Claire had some really wonderful moments and I thought she played her character really well. I will say that there were a few moments that were over the top and seemed out of place. I guess she almost got recast because she couldn’t do a terror scream. That makes sense. Ti West made the most of it though. One scene in particular she just kind of Gahhhh’d instead of screaming and the camera just Sam Raimi zoomed at her. It worked, I guess. Pat Healy plays the other of the two innkeepers, Luke. His performance was really great. These two worked off of each other really well. The cast is pretty bare bones, which I enjoyed, so there’s a lot of time spent on the characters. Luke and Claire have great chemistry and they’re a lot of fun to watch when they’re together even though it was really hard to pay attention to anything other than Pat Healy’s hair…

He looks like Simon Peg if he lost a fight with some Got2b Hair Glue. Is this even an actual hairstyle? Gurl, what is you doin’?

Also, Kelly McGillis (from fucking Top Gun) plays an actor turned spiritual healer/psychic/alcoholic, so I mean… There’s that.

All in all it was a decent film. I think the main reason people didn’t like it is because they didn’t pay attention to it. Let me clarify what I mean by that. Fair warning, I’m about to do a 9.95 swan dive into SPOILER territory, so if you’re not into that then stop reading and check back tomorrow…
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Cool, so the rest of you have either already seen it, don’t plan on seeing, or just don’t give a shit. If it’s the latter then know that I appreciate your chutzpah. So throughout the whole movie there are hints dropped, but Ti West doesn’t force the exposition down your throat (looking at you Mike Flanagan) so I can see why people missed it. Yes, on it’s surface The Innkeepers is a traditional ghost story, but underneath the surface it’s much more. So Claire is desperate to find proof that there are spirits in The Yankee Peddler Inn before it closes after this weekend. Probably because she feels really unfulfilled and has no idea what she’s doing with her life after this, which is addressed with her first interaction with Lee (McGillis). She starts to get obsessed with finding something. Luke (Healy) claims to have seen the ghost of I-forgot-her-first-name O’Malley and Claire wants an experience of her own. Luke even tells her that the more she thinks about it and the more scared she gets the more she’s going to go nuts and start seeing and hearing things that aren’t there. Lo and behold, she keeps seeing and hearing things. Let’s not also forget that every time some sound or whatever spooks her she needs to immediately use her inhaler because of her asthma. She asks Lee to use her weird old white lady hoodoo to see if the ghost of O’Malley is in the building and Lee says no. She just says to stay the eff out of the basement. Then at the climax Claire finds the dead body of the old dude in the bath tub and it sets her over the edge. She starts hearing and seeing ALL THE THINGS and sure enough it leads her to the basement. WHERE SHE WAS TOLD NOT TO GO, but subconsciously she NEEDS this encounter, so away she goes. She falls down the stairs, busts her head and ends up trapped. Then O’Malley shows up and Boom she’s dead. Was it O’Malley though? She lost her inhaler in the fall. She was more spooked than she’s ever been and didn’t have her friggin’ Albuterol. So it wasn’t ghosts what killed her, but an Asthma attack. That’s why the EMT’s seemed so nonchalant at the end.

At least that’s my take on it.

Anyway, I was gonna give this a 7 out of 10, but the fact that it made me think so much and pick it apart I give it a 7.9. Not quite an 8, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Join me tomorrow when I cave and watch Paranormal Activity for the first time. I know, right? Where the Hell have I been? The answer is right here. Under a friggin’ rock, I guess. We’re so close to the end I can almost see myself sleeping for a full night again!

Stay spooky, dudes.