Unfriended (2014)

I had no intention of ever seeing this. I vaguely remember seeing the preview for this in theaters way back when. I can’t tell you what I was seeing and I can’t tell you what I even remember from the preview other than my reaction. Which was just that it looked dumb and I had no interest in it whatsoever. You lost me at UNFRIENDED as the title. I had every intention of forgetting this even existed, which I totally did, until this challenge came up. More than 4 people suggested this and that’s really all it took to make my list. I live my life with a very “eh, why not?” kind of attitude.

This still really didn’t appeal to me in any way. It just felt like it was trying to appeal to a younger and more socially networked crowd, but in a pandering way. That’s not necessarily the movie’s fault though. That’s on Hollywood. I’m thoroughly convinced they don’t understand how technology works. Look at Stay Alive. Eww.

I’m a millennial, but I’ve always been pretty curmudgeony about things. It’s a bunch of teens using social media and video chatting and such. Bah! I would say. Damn kids and their fancy smart phones and slang and dubstep! Get off my lawn! I would also say. But with an excessive amount of pleading from my friends I’ve started coming around. I know I’m like 10 years too late, but I’m blogging now. I bought a cellular device that isn’t a flip phone that I can use to play Pokemon Go. I take an unhealthy amount of selfies and post them on my Instagram. I also have a vague understanding of how pound signs, I MEAN HASHTAGS work. I’m getting there, fam. #staylit #onfleek #amidone #ineverknowhentheresenoughhashtags #slipperyslope

Dubstep still sucks though

This entire movie takes place on one of the character’s laptop screens. I mean it. The whole movie is from that perspective. She pops back and forth between the Skype chat between her friends (the other characters) and Facebook and YouTube and junk. Now, again, if someone had told me this beforehand I would have said that sounds dumb as Hell and I will never watch it, but… uh… I actually have to give it credit. It worked. They were actually able to establish a stable setting and a sense of connection between the characters through this. That’s impressive even in and of itself. Mad props, bruh.

Now, they all have a mutual friend who committed suicide after a ton of cyber bullying. We get glimpses of it throughout via the videos on YouTube and her memorialized Facebook page that’s filled with an over abundance of thoughts and prayers. The thoughts and prayers don’t stop her ghost(?) from logging into her old FB account and terrorizing her old friends like an overly aggressive spooky pasta chain letter post.

I really hate to say it, but the whole thing is actually well done. It’s great execution of the gimmick they were working with. It actually felt real. They switched between screens and made use of the actual technology there. Why no one just closes their damn laptops and goes to bed is beyond me, but suspension of disbelief is required with any horror film. I just chalked it up to white people white peopling.

Not today, Satan and/or Tom from Myspace

The kills were decent and the tension was solid. The pace was also very well done, which, AGAIN, is very hard to do since it’s just someone clicking between tabs on their mac book. The character growth(?) or polar opposite for that matter is also decent. Everyone gets their spotlight to be a decent sympathetic person or a douche bag. I’m sure there’s a parallel there for cyber bullying and how we converse through the age of social media, but I’m far too tired to go into it.

All in all I, surprisingly enough, enjoyed it. I might even check out the sequel. *Just watched the trailer it actually looks neat* Aside from the shitty webcam moments (Even in 2014 the resolution was better than that, damn it!) it was actually good.

Back in my day we said “Don’t get into cars with strangers”. Nowadays the advice is “Don’t talk to dead chicks online”. It’s a new day and age and I’m learning!

5 out of 7.5 stars. Which is basically almost 6 or 7 out of 10-ish. I dunno, I don’t do math! I write shitty blogs and I make my own scoring. Deal with it. Also, feel free to comment your thoughts and opinions below. If you don’t I might unfriend you. And now that has a way more aggressive connotation.

Stay spooky, bitches!